I have a tendency to structure my life around me. Do you also recognise the urge to clean up, to give everything a ‘right’ place, to really go after every penny you spend?
I do see value in this kind of behaviour. Structure gives the opportunity to have a clear mind and plan your next moves. On the other hand it can block the things you actually do with planning, thinking and structuring before you make new steps.
The last few days on my trip I was challenged to let go of this structure. To let everything be what it is and leave it where I put it. Only cleaning at one specific moment instead of basically all the time. Some interesting things emerged until now.
Fear is the dominate factor in this story. I noticed that I was constantly busy with keeping everything nicely packed in my backpack in order to not lose anything. It was constantly in my mind. As if I cannot continue living without the items in my backpack. It would of course be annoying to lose stuff but as Michael once said “your essence can never be taken away.”
Let the last sentence sink in for a moment: ”your essence can never be taken away…”. I like this phrase as it suggests a deeper spiritual meaning. Something in addition to the material world around us. If you really feel this in your heart, it doesn’t matter what happens with your stuff. In the end it will all move out of your life. Your car maybe in 5 years, your sock in about two months, and the food you bought today. It is of no use to attach yourself to this as it will only cause disappointment. What items are you attaching to? What can you let go of?
A second thing I noticed was the fear of judgement. Judgement for the items that I throw around. That Michael somehow will hate me for it. I don’t want to take up much space. I don’t want to bother anyone with my stuff. What is he thinking of me? Also I want to take care of myself and be polite, clean, and noiseless. This is a typical thing for me. I like to stay under the radar and make myself small. This is connected to of course my judgement. If you speak up you of course have more chance of receiving judgement. That is part of the deal. In return you will get more exposure and connection to the people around you. It is connected to following your life path.
Being too strict, having too much structure, can also result in ignoring the opportunities in front of you. It is if you close your eyes for everything standing next to the road with clear focus on your end goal. Of course it is good to keep your goal in mind but this shouldn’t be the thing that drives you. The journey itself should be enjoyable. Especially with the traveling that I am doing, it is that art to let go and trust. I do have goals in front of me but I know these can change at any moment. If you are not sure about the goal then what use it to keep ignoring the flowers at the side of the road? Maybe these are part of your ‘unknown’ goal?
So how can you know what is the right path to take? What opportunities to take and which ones to leave? This is something that is not easily done. I struggle with this myself. The most powerful tool is to follow your intuition. Listing closely to your heart and start to feel if an energy hot string is discovered. For me this requires silence and meditation. It is practising what signs in your body correspond with following your path with a heart.
For me it started 18 months ago. More frequently the urge to explore the world came up. This was constantly connected with doing volunteer work as having a regular vacation didn’t spark a joy in me. I wanted to make myself useful, learn new things, meet new people, and challenge myself. I couldn’t ignore it and after my graduation in 2018 I knew I had to make the jump.
Somehow Lesvos came into sight at the perfect timing. If I hadn’t decided to work a few months at White Lioness technologies I was already abroad. It perfectly matched with the end of my contract, as if it was meant to be ;). I said yes, although I wasn’t sure why. The problems at Lesvos weren’t on my radar and I didn’t knew Michael so well. But I took the challenge. I can already say that this trip is completely different then I expected it to be. It is much more a spiritual journey than a ‘helping the world’ journey. More on that in a later post.