What would it take for you to trust this reality? What does it mean if things happen around you that look outside your control? Can it happen that actually the things that surround you are there for you as presents and not as punishments? Wouldn’t it be nice to think of this reality like this. How hard the hardships are, how deep the valleys are, how high the peaks are, it is just a state of that present moment. It says nothing of the past or future. It is your decision on how to interpret this and choice your path.
Leaving Australia means much to me. I build up something valuable in this country. A thriving social circle with good friendships and close warm connections. A beautiful community with work that is noble and challenging. Working for the world, for other people. Creating small lights in the darkness of today’s capitalist society.
And then I have to let it go again. My visa runs out just at a time when I would have said, ‘just give me a few more months.’ This process is hard but then again I knew it would come and I know for a fact that it also helped me. I took more chances than I would if it was a never ending story. Looking back I have no regrets. I took every opportunity I had in front of me, trusting that this is what should happen, this is what I needed to learn. And now I know it is my time to feel the attachment that I build up. Feeling the sadness as a joy, that I build something that could give me that emotion. It feels as a good time to sit with myself, to start the reflection of the past few months. Alone. Compassion for myself. Thinking about life and what the Universe has given me as lessons. I’m eager to trust the process but with these emotions it is not always easy.
Traveling in a new country is also all about trust. People generally get so sacred about all that can happen. I admit, I am not much different. Although I survived India, getting back in the traveling spirit in Bali presents me with fear. It is normal. We are raised in such a protective environment in the Netherlands that with every small thing that is different we feel fear of handling it. The mind is somehow trained to think of everything that can go wrong. And then…, it doesn’t happen. People are nice to you, things work out one way or another. This doesn’t mean you will feel nothing. I can still feel the fear and uncertainty but I can choose to accept it and go with the flow. I can trust that whatever happens, happens for a good reason. To learn me something. I am training myself to be comfortable in the uncomfortable. This is a winning tactic as it can apply in every aspect of your life. It is accepting the feeling and still moving forward. One thing that helped me is realizing that whatever happens people can never steal who I really am: my spirit, my light. They can take everything but I will still have the bright energizing light inside of me. How beautiful!!
I can give an example of trust in the last few days. Arriving in Bali late at night I thought many times of booking an airport pick up. Very handy and easy right. But I realized that this thing was born out of fear. Fear of not finding my way to the hostel and difficulties in dealing with the situation, especially giving away control to a taxi driver. Do you see the pattern? My core problem is that I have trouble let go of control as I do not trust that everything will be alright. It is basically running away from the possibility of feeling uncomfortably. It manifests itself in not trusting taxi drivers and therefor willing to control the situation. I let go of all this and didn’t do anything. Guess what, it worked out fine ;). I could have bargained a taxi for a reasonable price but the airport had free WiFi so a just ordered a Grab (Uber for here). You just have to trust yourself. That you can deal with it no matter what! To be one with the feeling of uncertainty and recognize that it doesn’t kill you. Then you can level up and enjoy an amazing life!