The best escape from truly feeling, at least to the extent that I have found, is to race into doing or start frantically thinking. All three are equally needed and useful but what I truly desire right now is to see all of them with clear eyes just as they are: their strengths, their character, their mistakes, their needs, their joys, and their story.
By doing I distract myself from being in my body, from truly feeling what I need, and from seeing what my story is underneath the busyness. I certainly have to do things in my life no question: laundry, cooking, working, but when I do it unconsciously it becomes a problem and a mere distraction from my life.
By thinking I close myself from feeling and doing, and leave the present moment. When difficult emotions arise, it is easier to rationalize them in my mind than to truly feel what stories they have to tell. I protect myself from feeling pain, sadness, loneliness, and maybe weirdly even love. I notice this mechanisme more and more, and although it is incredibly engraved in my system, I feel joy and richness in discovering this first glimpse of my elaborate protection system.
Overthinking things hundreds of times is stopping me from taking action, from doing things now, from following my life’s energy, my strong intuition. It destroys it in thousands of pieces and throws it out of my window. I feel the energy getting stuck by the countless arguments on why or why not to do things, by the sea of emotions that rises from deep within fearing to lose everything I have, instead of diving into this sea and following life. The obstacles in my mind are thrown on my road to freedom and salvation. All imprints from my past, enlarged by my obsessive thinking and controlling mind. Again, there is nothing wrong with thinking as it can be incredibly useful to survive and contribute to today’s society: designing timber shelters, modeling 3D concrete printed pavilions, researching straw bale houses and these examples are only limited to my work. There are for sure a wide range of activities in my life that immensely contribute to my clever thought :).
Without question, thinking and doing have been the focus for almost all my life. I’m immensely trained to think due to my excellent education. I’m constantly indoctrinated by my surroundings to DO a lot of things. Doing nothing is almost shameful. But NOW is my time to FEEL! To balance all three, to truly connect to deeper layers of myself that want to heard so badly. Everything points in the same direction, I cannot ignore it any longer. The path to my consciousness, my truth, my feeling, is wide open. I take the leap and dive in the ocean, and I don’t have to do it alone!