My heart feels rocky and unstable. It cries and feels sad, sometimes full of tension and fear. It wishes to feel secure and embedded in love, much like it did when I was a child. Fully nurtured and taking care of by my parents. It doesn’t know anymore. It doesn’t understand life. It is quietly unspoken. It has its stories to redraw, its reason to fear and look away from challenges. It wants to run away to security, warmth, and a safe space full of love.
It is missing the steady ground, the base. ‘Where can I settle and be at ease?’. A strong foundation to built and live on. Like a farm, with its field of crops spread around ready to be harvested takes care of its inhabitants, so does finding my own ground help me to start living Life. Everything starts at fertile ground. It is my task to start nurturing this inner field; weeding, manuring, patching, seeding, watering, and making it as fertile as possible. With care, love, and patience, the inner seeds will grow, flower, and age, at which harvesting can be done.
Although at times I feel that my inner field is empty and bare, I have to remind myself that fertile ground is close by. I have already done it before. Slowly, taking small steps, I find back my own ground. My base level, my deepest desires, my passions, my purpose in life. I will be gentle and kind to my inner self: ‘take as much time as you need my dear’. Truly honor this incredible path of reinvention, and feeling that I can again trust myself. That I can lean back and know I will be caught. It is to stay on this road without seeing the horizon. It is scary, sometimes sad, and painful, but it is a journey with adventure, growth, and many incredible stories. That is for sure what my heart desires!